My family and I were watching Jim Gaffigan last night. He is really hysterical. Seriously, if you haven’t heard of him I BEG YOU to look him up on Netflix or YouTube. You won’t be sorry.

One of his funniest bits is when he dissects Southern culture. He explains with great amazement the unashamed Southern diet. (Hey, at least we’re honest about it). He says that the reason why Southerners move so slow is, “I’ve figured it out. It’s the biscuits and gravy. Everyone in the South moves around like they’ve just had two helpings.”

At least he’s not mean; it’s all in good fun. And you have to give the guy props for his self-depreciating humor (especially about his own flourescent whiteness).

As you know, I’m from Arkansas, and though I love living in Texas, I left some of my favorite people back there. All this talk about the South reminds me a LOT about the endless Arkansas jokes I’ve endured over the years. People think they are SO funny. Yeah, you’re hilarious and no I haven’t really heard that joke six million times.

At least Jim doesn’t try to talk about places he’s never visited. That is the epitome of ignorance in my book.

Sure, there is a lot of beautiful country in Arkansas. But there’s more to it than meets the eye. CNN listed Rogers, Arkansas as the number 10 “Best Places to Live in 2010”. Here’s an excerpt from their article:

“If you’re inclined to dismiss a small city in Arkansas as a backwater, you’re making a big mistake. Rogers is right next door to Bentonville, where Wal-Mart is headquartered.”

http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/bplive/2010/snapshots/PL0560410.html

NW Arkansas also hosts the following big-money businesses: J.B. Hunt, Tyson Foods, Coca-Cola, Proctor & Gamble, Motorola, Nestle, General Mills, Dell, PepsiCo, either as a primary business or a vendor of Wal-Mart. That’s some big money.

Also, the University of Arkansas trains some of the best engineers, nurses, and writers in the world. I know a few of them. There is also talk of Fayetteville bidding to host the Olympics:

http://www.rockcitytimes.com/fayetteville-bids-host-2024-winter-olympics

Here are some of the stupid  (real life) questions I’ve been asked about my life in Arkansas.

1. Q. Did you marry your cousin?

A. No, I don’t really check out my immediate family for dating material. That’s Victorian England you’re thinking of.

2. Q. Did you have indoor plumbing growing up?

A. Yes, and thanks for your concern. I was wondering if you currently have indoor plumbing because your body odor begs to differ.

3. Q. Is there anything to do in Arkansas? I mean, besides checking out your cousins? I mean, isn’t it pretty backwoods?

A. Actually, Northwest Arkansas is quite a lot more metropolitan than most people realize. Bentonville, Rogers, Springdale, and Fayetteville have pretty much grown together and support a population somewhere close to half a million people, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

4. Q. Ever see “Deliverance?” Wasn’t that filmed in Arkansas?

A. Yes, I have seen it. Wasn’t that much to write home about, so I didn’t. Did you get your facts from the internets?

5. Q. Did you live in a trailer?

A. No, but I don’t judge people who do, and I’ve lived in some real craphole apartments. I think you were my neighbor once.

This isn’t really a question so I won’t label it as such. My favorite line from Jim: “The South won’t rise again because they don’t have the energy.”

This is where I beg to differ. If Arkansas is any indication of the laziness of the South, everybody better get ready. In my view, it’s really the Sleeping Giant of the nation.  Don’t mistake the slow talking for slow thinking or Southern hospitality for ignorance.After we have some more biscuits and gravy, we’re really gonna kick your butts.

Now, have a glass of sweet tea. Y’all want lemon with that?

If you haven’t visited Arkansas, I highly recommend it. Here’s some links to get you started.

Stuff to do in Bentonville, Arkansas:http://www.arkansas.com/places-to-go/cities-and-towns/city-detail.aspx?city=Bentonville

Stuff to do in Rogers, Arkansas —http://www.visitrogersarkansas.com/what-to-do/attractions/4.

Stuff to do in Fayetteville, Arkansas —http://www.arkansas.com/attractions/attractions-in.aspx?city=Fayetteville

Stuff to do in Springdale, Arkansas —http://www.arkansas.com/attractions/attractions-in.aspx?city=Springdale

Tell ’em Tina sent ya.