Confession time: I’m concerned about my chihuahua’s fat pockets. I took him to the vet thinking he had tumors and he said that they are most likely pockets of fat since Goliath has gained a few pounds in his old age. When you only weighed 5 pounds to begin with, gaining a few pounds is like gaining 50 for us. I’m supposed to “monitor” them, kind of like women do breast exams. What I’m monitoring for, I couldn’t tell you–I guess I’m supposed to call the vet if they get bigger or anything. Since he can’t do anything about it I’m unsure what my calling him would do.

Me: “Hi. Is this the vet’s office?”

Vet’s Office: “Why yes. This is the Veternarian’s office. Can I help you?”

I guess I should be happy for the clarity–I wouldn’t want to accidentally call the VA office to tell the nitty gritty details about Goliath’s fat pockets. I’m not sure they’d be so concerned.

Me: “Yeah, um, this is Tina Bausinger and I’m calling with Goliath’s monthly fat pocket update. They seem to be a bit swollen this week, but I can’t tell if that’s because he ate the neighbor’s dog food for a few days before I noticed. Also, he may have scarfed a bit of fallen taco.”

Vet’s Office: “Um. Okay…”

Me: “It’s not his fault, really. I mean, who doesn’t love a good taco? Sometimes I’ll eat three of them without even thinking about it.”

Vet’s Office: (Clearing throat) “Well, I’ll certainly let Dr. Johnson know about Goliath’s progress.”

Me: “So that’s it? I mean, what happens next?”

VO: “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Me: “Do I bring him in for a fatty ultrasound or something?”

VO: “I don’t know that’s necessary.”

Me: “Well, should I change his diet to Skinny Champions instead of Little Champions? I mean, I’m trying to be proactive here.”
VO: “I’ll get back to you.”
Me: “Ok, I’ll be waiting.”