It was totally my fault! I admit it. The family was debating on a movie to rent and I suggested it…”Her” with Joaquin Phoenix looked intriguing. No, before you asked, Mancub was not allowed to watch it. Puleeese.

Here’s the trailer: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/her/

So I knew there was going to be a certain degree of cheesiness. What I was not prepared for was two things: the fact that Joaquin could look so incredibly BAD (he wore a buttoned-up orange shirt and khaki pants up to his armpits the ENTIRE time) and the super long awkward sex scenes with Joaquin and … himself.

Oh. My. Lanta.

Thank the movie gods that we had a remote to fast forward through these scenes. Did I mention I was trying to watch this with my adult daughters and my 70-year-old aunt?

That’s right.

So the main idea of the film is a guy falls in love with his computer. Everything is hunky-dory for Theodore for a while. I mean, what single guy would not love a sexy computer who is always helpful but never asks for anything in return. Until…she does.

It reminded me of this:

http://spongebob.nick.com/videos/clip/digital-short-spongebob-squarepants-dse-plankton-vlog-karen.html

About ten minutes into this film, I’ll admit it was like watching a train wreck…an agonizingly slow train wreck, like if the engineer was on anti-depressants and Valium.

Just bad. But I finished it! When it was over, the  four of us looked at each other with the sympathetic look people share after they have endured a tragedy together, and it’s finally over. Like AFTER you get the last of the series of Hepatitis A shots and you know you don’t have to go back to the clinic. Yes, it was that bad.

I’m sorry Joaquin–this was not your best role. You’re a much better Johnny Cash, and I don’t feel creepy after watching you in that one.