For Dad: The ABCs of Grief

My favorite pic of Dad.

My favorite pic of Dad.

The ABCs Of Grief

And,

Believing that in my own superhuman abilities, that I

Could, through the power of wishing on rainbows, stop your impending

Death with nothing but the power of my love, I foolishly

Envied but was powerless over time’s relentless pace and its total reign over our lives.

Forgetting for a moment banalities  of life such as

Grocery shopping, dog walking, and bill paying,

Having no life except my feeble attempt to extend yours,

I thought of nothing else but you those last two weeks.

Just these four walls of your living room, somehow

Kidding myself with the hopeless optimism that anythlng I did helped you at all.

Losing you, letting go, holding my breath as you left this place, was not my choice, nor yours.

Minutes hung like stars in the heavens, twinkling individually,

Near enough to touch. Your last breath here was

Only your first in the great expanse of the eternity you exist in now.

Pain: crushing, black, angry, all-encompassing, then

Quiet. Only the sound of the ticking of the clock as the rest of the world kept moving as if they didn’t know or care that the wonderful being of light that encompassed you had been extinguished,

Ripping the seam from this world to the next

Silence, deafening, closing in with the numbness,

Then a desperate scream coming from my lips as I drive home in the blinding rain

Unencumbered by any sort of social proprieties or expectations

Variations of blackness at first consume me as I question the need for prayer

Winter strips the leaves from the trees and I am glad they feel my naked sorrow too.

Extreme complacency grips me as if in the arms of a passionate lover, for at least a

Year. Then two, then five. Then, a glimmer of hope emerges that I might once again feel the

Zeal of a life remaining here, left behind.

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