The ABCs Of Grief
Believing that in my own superhuman abilities, that I
Could, through the power of wishing on rainbows, stop your impending
Death with nothing but the power of my love, I foolishly
Envied but was powerless over time’s relentless pace and its total reign over our lives.
Forgetting for a moment banalities of life such as
Grocery shopping, dog walking, and bill paying,
Having no life except my feeble attempt to extend yours,
I thought of nothing else but you those last two weeks.
Just these four walls of your living room, somehow
Kidding myself with the hopeless optimism that anythlng I did helped you at all.
Losing you, letting go, holding my breath as you left this place, was not my choice, nor yours.
Minutes hung like stars in the heavens, twinkling individually,
Near enough to touch. Your last breath here was
Only your first in the great expanse of the eternity you exist in now.
Pain: crushing, black, angry, all-encompassing, then
Quiet. Only the sound of the ticking of the clock as the rest of the world kept moving as if they didn’t know or care that the wonderful being of light that encompassed you had been extinguished,
Ripping the seam from this world to the next
Silence, deafening, closing in with the numbness,
Then a desperate scream coming from my lips as I drive home in the blinding rain
Unencumbered by any sort of social proprieties or expectations
Variations of blackness at first consume me as I question the need for prayer
Winter strips the leaves from the trees and I am glad they feel my naked sorrow too.
Extreme complacency grips me as if in the arms of a passionate lover, for at least a
Year. Then two, then five. Then, a glimmer of hope emerges that I might once again feel the
Zeal of a life remaining here, left behind.